I’m shy, but I love being around people.
It’s hard to explain. I don’t think I have social anxiety because I love going to restaurants, parties, hanging out with friends, I worked in customer service, I’m really great at talking to people. Once I am doing something social I enjoy it, but getting myself to do the social thing is hard. I get anxiety just thinking of getting ready to go somewhere where there will be lots of people. In Oki, Paul and I and our friends went out almost every Friday night. I would have anxiety the whole time I was getting ready to go out, but once we got out with our friends I was fine. I’m like an introverted extrovert. Thinking about moving to California, where I already know people through the Marine Corps family, but most of which I have never actually met in real life scares the crap out of me. Even thinking of seeing friends or family I haven’t seen in a while makes me anxious.
Since moving to Butte I leave the house to go shopping, or to eat. I don’t go do things by myself with E. Besides walking, which does not involve stranger interaction. All summer I was telling myself I was going to sign her up for swim lessons, or some mommy and me class at the YMCA. But I never did.
Well today I did something that I normally wouldn’t do, Story Time at the library. I even tried to make excuses to myself as late as this morning to not go. “If E falls asleep I won’t want to wake her” as I tried to nurse her into a nap. But it’s like she knew, and she wanted to go. So at 10:30 I decided she wasn’t sleeping so I needed to get us both dressed, I needed to put some makeup on, because I can’t go out in public looking like a disheveled SAHM.
And we went.
And it was fun.
Well parking sucked, and I almost talked myself out of going again because I couldn’t find any parking, but I parked sort of illegally and went inside.
And E really enjoyed it.
And that’s the first step, I am going to try to go as often as our schedule allows. E often naps around 11, But I think this is really good for both of us though so we may have to adjust nap time to be a little later.