It Is What You Make It

(Beating a dead horse, if you are a long time follower, I’ve been over this time and time again)

“It is what you make it”

I had uttered those words so many times while living in Okinawa, I just couldn’t understand why people would piss and moan about living there. Beautiful views, wonderful people, amazing weather (part of the time, unless you like unpredicted rain, which I grew to like) Sure it can be confusing, living in a foreign country where most locals speak very little if any english, where many road signs are only in Japanese, the whole road system is very confusing at first. Yeah you will miss things, American food, forks, pizza. But there is so much that is amazing to me it outweighed all the bad.

Now a year and a half later, back in the states, I am eating my own words. I think that I have a new kind of depression, Regional Depression. I am not even sure if that’s a kind of depression, maybe it is. But every day I find myself thinking “if I could just go back.”
I now understand how all those wives felt that hated Okinawa, that just wanted out. They counted the days until they could move back to the states. Yeah there are good days, but I can say with 100% of my heart that a bad day in Okinawa, was better than a good day in Montana.

I’ve tried, I really have. I just can’t get down with the weather, it’s either too cold or too hot to play outside, and I love being outside. The short time that being out side is doable we normally do it, but with my pregnancy this summer, I’ve been too miserable to enjoy it.
I just want to go for a walk on the beach, sit in the coffee shop at the mall and people watch, buy all the hello kitty stuff my heart desires. Every night I wish for a handfull of things one of them being the opportunity to go back. I know I can’t stay forever but I want to be there as long as I can, I feel like we were short changed, Paul was deployed almost half the time we were there. He missed so much.
I should be grateful, My husband is home, he’s not deployed, he comes home almost every night, He’s safe.
I just need to suck it up, we have about 16 more months left here and I want to be able to look back and not think of Montana as the shittiest place ever. Maybe I’ll get out today, it’s only about 65 right now, not to hot, not too cold. My new motto “It is what you make it” It’s gonna suck if I let it, Only I can make myself enjoy it here.

Have a lovely day, and remember to find me on Facebook!


About alanamarie26

Marine Wife, Mom, Student. Trying to keep a household running while going to school full time.
This entry was posted in Helena, Life, Montana, Okinawa, Sad. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to It Is What You Make It

  1. Mrs. K says:

    Dude. I feel you. I've got the "regional depression", too. I blog about it a lot, but I do not like it here at all although I try to make the best of it. I think back on Alaska and remember all the people who hated it there. I didn't understand either.

  2. Destiny says:

    I'm hoping you begin to feel better, embrace what you have and where you are now I think that's the best anyone can attempt do. Hope you get out and enjoy yourself!Xx

  3. For years Nick only wanted to live in Northern California, we went there 3 different times and he went many times before that. For some reason though it never worked out. But what I have been learning recently is that it does not matter where I am at because I can make what ever I want out of where I am at. And as long as I wake up every morning excited about what today will bring I usually have an exciting day, but if I wake up thinking about how this is not good or that is not good, I seem to have a miserable day. When we first moved here to San Diego I was not a fan at all, but now I love it! (even if I do not venture very far) I love this little place I call home for now! I do dream about other, like a place where i can have a garden and more room but I love what I have now! Good luck finding the beauty in where you are now.

  4. Kristin says:

    I found your blog through Mrs. K and Captain J. I just want to say that I understand completely what you are going through. Without giving you my life story (you can read my blog if you want!), we are stationed Alaska. We've been here for almost 3 years. I do not care for it. My husband, who is deployed right now, has been here for about half of it. Otherwise, it's just me trying to make it work. I have a job. I have a gym. I HAD a network of friends (Army wives don't work. I'm an anomaly.) I HAD a church (we don't have kids so I really don't fit in at this point). I have a life here, but it's not what I thought I'd be doing at 26. I didn't think I'd be sitting in front of my fireplace in June. I didn't think I'd be living by myself in Alaska, for that matter! I am from the east coast and this is just too far from everything I love. My husband has muttered something about Italy/Germany next and I've said, "NO WAY. You owe me warmth and close to home." 🙂 Just please know you are not the only one. I'm one of "those wives" who just don't like it. And really, as you now know, that's not something that is easily dealt with.

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