(i think i’ve been through this before but i feel like talking about it today)
I’ve battled my weight since i was in high school. I was a very skinny, petite, short and a little dorky when i was younger, i was luckily blessed with a high metabolism and i was very active, i swam all summer, rode my bike everywhere. then high school things slowed down for me, i hit puberty, started to drive, started to drive to the drive through. i remember going to McD’s and getting a double cheese burger, and then whatever i was really gonna eat, then stuffing the cheeseburger down my throat before i got home so no one knew i was eating it plus the food i actually brought home. So needless to say my unhealthy relationship with food started as soon as i was able to enable myself. i don’t eat to comfort myself, i don’t eat because i’m depressed or anxious, i don’t eat because i’m bored, i eat because i like to eat, eating is fun, and it tastes good. i love food, there are so many different kinds of yummy food, from ice cream to Sushi, given the chance i’d eat either until i puked.
i remember my Senior Prom, i was the fat girl, well i wasn’t the fat girl, but i was one of them. i quickly became depressed. I blame my weight for my bad decisions in my youth, i wanted to be accepted, i wanted people to like me, i wanted to be cool, but i didn’t think i could do that as the fat girl, i tried to not be fat, i would go to the gym, i was running, but i loved food way too much, i ate mexican food nearly every day. 5 years ago I met my husband i was even happier, someone loved me, for who i was. Then it got worse, i think at this point i stopped caring how big I was because someone loved me.
I’ve been back and forth for over ten years with my love of food and hate of exercise, two years ago i finally got to the point where i didn’t hate exercise, in-fact i really like weights, but i still hated cardio, which is a key in serious weight loss. Over the last year i have tried and failed at maintaining a workout routine, i like the gym here, i really do, it’s nice, it’s clean, it’s quiet (most of the time) but i just HATE the treadmill. well why dont you run outside you say? because it’s hot, and what if i got too far and couldnt make it back, and what if i got kidnapped, or i fell down and broke my ankle, or got lost, or…… all excuses.
This week i started running outside, off base, i decided to run to the gym. even though this ‘run’ was mostly a fast walk/jog i still made it to the gym, which i found to be packed because it was lunch time and every Marine and their, well, brother was there. not an empty machine in the house, not that i would subject myself to working out with Marines anyway, i have a bad enough self image. so i decided to just go home. my lap took me an hour and a half. When i got home i calculated the distance it was almost 5 miles. i know thats terrible time a 18 min mile but you know what i felt good, i felt great! i wanted to go out and do it again. so two days later i did. i know two days isn’t sticking to a routine, but i LOVE jogging outdoors, the air, the birds, the scenery. i love every second of it. i finally am enjoying cardio, plus the terrain in Okinawa is very hilly so i’m burning quite a few calories even if i am not running as fast as i can. i’ve been using gmaps and i’ve plotted several routes around where we live now and our new house, i’m so excited! i cant wait to run again, i think i’ll do it tomorrow This week i ran T & Th but my goal starting Monday for first few weeks, is every other day M-W-F and a shorter run on Sun starting in March (or earlier if i’m ready) will be every day alternating distances (long run, short run). last night i plotted a new 5 mile, that may be rougher because i’m pretty sure it’s even more hills than i did this week, but i’m excited.
i should also note that i’ve made a pact with my love of food and my body, if my body lets me exercise as much as my heart and brain want to i wont make it stop eating yummy food, now i wont let it over indulge, or secretly eat double cheeseburgers, but if i want ice cream i will have ice cream. as long as i can keep up with the running i can eat what i want, in nice size not huge calorie portions.