Battle of the Bulge (my life story, seriously)

(i think i’ve been through this before but i feel like talking about it today)

I’ve battled my weight since i was in high school. I was a very skinny, petite, short and a little dorky when i was younger, i was luckily blessed with a high metabolism and i was very active, i swam all summer, rode my bike everywhere. then high school things slowed down for me, i hit puberty, started to drive, started to drive to the drive through.  i remember going to McD’s and getting a double cheese burger, and then whatever i was really gonna eat, then stuffing the cheeseburger down my throat before i got home so no one knew i was eating it plus the food i actually brought home. So needless to say my unhealthy relationship with food started as soon as i was able to enable myself. i don’t eat to comfort myself, i don’t eat because i’m depressed or anxious, i don’t eat because i’m bored, i eat because i like to eat, eating is fun, and it tastes good. i love food, there are so many different kinds of yummy food, from ice cream to Sushi, given the chance i’d eat either until i puked. 
i remember my Senior Prom, i was the fat girl, well i wasn’t the fat girl, but i was one of them. i quickly became depressed. I blame my weight for my bad decisions in my youth, i wanted to be accepted, i wanted people to like me, i wanted to be cool, but i didn’t think i could do that as the fat girl, i tried to not be fat, i would go to the gym, i was running, but i loved food way too much, i ate mexican food nearly every day. 5 years ago I met my husband i was even happier, someone loved me, for who i was. Then it got worse, i think at this point i stopped caring how big I was because someone loved me. 
I’ve been back and forth for over ten years with my love of food and hate of exercise, two years ago i finally got to the point where i didn’t hate exercise, in-fact i really like weights, but i still hated cardio, which is a key in serious weight loss. Over the last year i have tried and failed at maintaining a workout routine, i like the gym here, i really do, it’s nice, it’s clean, it’s quiet (most of the time) but i just HATE the treadmill. well why dont you run outside you say? because it’s hot, and what if i got too far and couldnt make it back, and what if i got kidnapped, or i fell down and broke my ankle, or got lost, or……  all excuses. 
This week i started running outside, off base, i decided to run to the gym. even though this ‘run’ was mostly a fast walk/jog i still made it to the gym, which i found to be packed because it was lunch time and every Marine and their, well, brother was there. not an empty machine in the house, not that i would subject myself to working out with Marines anyway, i have a bad enough self image. so i decided to just go home. my lap took me an hour and a half. When i got home i calculated the distance it was almost 5 miles. i know thats terrible time a 18 min mile but you know what i felt good, i felt great! i wanted to go out and do it again. so two days later i did. i know two days isn’t sticking to a routine, but i LOVE jogging outdoors, the air, the birds, the scenery. i love every second of it. i finally am enjoying cardio, plus the terrain in Okinawa is very hilly so i’m burning quite a few calories even if i am not running as fast as i can. i’ve been using gmaps and i’ve plotted several routes around where we live now and our new house, i’m so excited! i cant wait to run again, i think i’ll do it tomorrow This week i ran T & Th but my goal starting Monday for first few weeks, is every other day M-W-F and a shorter run on Sun starting in March (or earlier if i’m ready) will be every day alternating distances (long run, short run). last night i plotted a new 5 mile, that may be rougher because i’m pretty sure it’s even more hills than i did this week, but i’m excited. 
i should also note that i’ve made a pact with my love of food and my body, if my body lets me exercise as much as my heart and brain want to i wont make it stop eating yummy food, now i wont let it over indulge, or secretly eat double cheeseburgers, but if i want ice cream i will have ice cream.  as long as i can keep up with the running i can eat what i want, in nice size not huge calorie portions. 
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About alanamarie26

Marine Wife, Mom, Student. Trying to keep a household running while going to school full time.
This entry was posted in fat, food. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Battle of the Bulge (my life story, seriously)

  1. Courtney says:

    What a touching story! I think we will be a good match =) We can motivate eachother and get our butts out of the house together! I will see you at the new place! Tomarrow is our last day in base houseing, which meens no more internet untill Sunnys comes out. Talk to you soon!

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